I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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