He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
