oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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