There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
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