I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
