Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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