so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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