last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
