Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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