My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
