I have demons in me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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