My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Randomize
