at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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