dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I smell like Dick and happiness
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
