Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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