I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we're making bets on your personal life
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
