well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
