1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
