Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
