when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
