Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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