You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
