Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
