I like to think it a success when the cops are called
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
