the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
