Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
