Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
