i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
