A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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