Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
