You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
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