ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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