paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I said "one day" and that day is not today
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
