my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
