just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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