Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just took my morning after pill in the library
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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