ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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