Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
