3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
