Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
