when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
