I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
