I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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