I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
