guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
