yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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