I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Randomize
