dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
