Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
