I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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