First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
